Monday, March 18, 2013

I've been trolled!

I got an email today from an old friend and co-worker, who brought up the fact that I don't blog very much anymore. My response was that I rarely get comments, so it feels often times like I am speaking to no one. And I've always had a hard time blogging my real feelings, the hard parts, my inner truth. Then comic bloggers became huge and I didn't feel like I compared, so I just stuck with my less than exciting approach...occasional stories from the everyday.

So today, I decided to write a blog post. I logged onto blogger to find that I had 11 comments awaiting moderation. Wow! 11 comments is an avalanche to me. 9 of the comments were spam. No surprise there; I get a lot of spam.

But there were 2 comments posted anonymously by an actual person who read 2 different posts and felt the need to comment.

Both of the comments were very nasty, and I was a little shocked at first. I am not a prude in the least, but apparently I am more naive than I thought. I figured if I didn't say anything polarizing, didn't talk about religion or politics or how sometimes I want to run far, far away from home, then I wouldn't have people hating on me.

I was wrong!

After 30 minutes or so, I got over my jaw dropping shock and started to get angry. How dare someone who doesn't know me say mean things to me under the cloak of anonymity? And if you do know me, I must have done something really bad to piss you off so much. I forgot that I'm not still in high school, where the mean girls rule and everyone else just shuts up. I had a stalker in high school, and it wasn't any fun. (If it's you, Kathy, I certainly hope you got some help for your mental health issues, you crazy bitch.)

You obviously read several of my posts, enough to comment on the fact that I don't have a job and have plenty of free time. Are you jealous? I do have plenty of free time; I am a lucky girl. I have a husband who works very hard to support our family so that I can stay home. There are days when I would switch places with just about anyone on the planet, and there are many more days that I am incredibly grateful. I worked for many years. I still work, every day. I just no longer get paid for it. I hope that my kids can appreciate (one day, in the distant future) all the things that I do for them that they take for granted. I will only have them with me for a short amount of time, and I don't want them to feel like I didn't pay enough attention to them while they were home.

I struggle every day. I struggle to find balance between being a mom and being a woman. Between being a mom and being a daughter. Between being a mom and a wife. I struggle with depression. I struggle with my weight. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy. I question every decision I make. I regret the choices I made in my past. I hope to make better choices in the future. I hope that my family knows how much they are loved. Every day.

I'm no longer mad. I actually laughed at the second comment. I was poking fun at myself, calling my hair hot (it wasn't in the least) and you clarified it by telling me I was fucking NOT. And that my ass looks like 5 pounds of chewed bubblegum. I may be overweight, middle aged, and unemployed, but my ass is anything but fat. I wish it were a little rounder!

So, thank you, internet troll, for reminding me of how good I've got it. I have great friends. I have a great family. I have a damn good life.

And you can suck it.

7 comments:

Kelley Popp said...

Go, Sue! I have never understood the need to post something nasty and not take credit for it. If you can't say something nice don't say it. Or better yet if that is really how you feel, say it and stand by it. But to not take credit, that is cowardly.

Lisa Z said...

Go get 'em Sue!
Love ya!
Lisa

If it were me reading that I would be crying in the corner - you always were the brave one ! Even if you didn't (don't) know it!

Sue said...

Obviously the troll needs to get a life if they can sit there and read your posts and make nasty comments. I blog and dont get a lot of comments either, but I have not had a nasty one so far but I have spoken to people who have and it is very cruel I think. It is your blog and you get to say what you like, and if other people dont like it they shouldnt read it. I too stay at home as my partner works long hours but it isnt always free time with all the chores and kids stuff going on. I am sure one day our kids will thank us for it!

AnnaMarie said...

WOW - I'm truly at a loss for words. :-o I am *outraged* that someone would hide behind the cloak of anonymity via the Internet and take cheap shots at you. Not just cheap - but downright *mean*. :( I can't decide whether to despise or PITY this individual. :-P

Anyone who knows you Sue KNOWS better! :) Your classy blog entry today is just one more example of why you are someone whom I admire and respect immensely...you are amazing, awesome, and probably one of the sweetest and supportive women I know. :) Your dedication and example as a wife, mother, friend, SURVIVOR...can be matched by very few. And I can honestly say with all sincerity that your "troll" is missing out...but that just leaves more of you for those of us who DO value you in our lives. :) Keep on keeping on - you rock, my friend! xoxo

Jen on the Edge said...

Well, you know how I feel about trolls: I think it's rude to come into someone's house and poop on the living room rug.

Personally, I'm delighted whenever you do blog and am always happy to get a glimpse into your life. (In a totally non-stalker way.)

Bart Treiber said...

That's My Lobster!

Tracey Johnston said...

Tell it Gurl!!!! Good for you Suzie. I'm glad you could use someone's hateful comments as a reason to reflect on all you have to be grateful for in life. (Myself, i am horrible at "considering the source" as they say - a very bad habit.) You could go to a job everyday and then someone would make you feel guilty for not "raising your own child" You just cant win!!!! This is hypothetical of course. ;)