Thursday, January 26, 2012

déjà vu

....And I was soooo optimistic that 2012 was going to be a better year.

I recently found out that my December mammograms (two, BTW) revealed some more spots of something. That means that next week, I will be having another biopsy.
Same shit, different year.
I know the drill; don't worry about anything until you get the result in your hand. Don't think about worst case scenarios and how you'll look bald after all your hair falls out (terrible, for the record. I have at least 2 huge birthmarks on my head that will cause me grief). There are many treatments, some of which you experienced, and they weren't horrible. It's early; we probably caught it early enough.
Still.
I'm annoyed.
I'm depressed.
I don't feel like going to any more doctors.
I don't feel optimistic.
I want to hibernate and not come out until June.
I want to scream and cry "Why ME?". I took it like a champ the first time; I did everything that was asked of me. I take a drug daily to prevent reoccurrence. I paid my dues.
Still. Cancer wins.

I am accepting all the good mojo, vibes, prayers and juju you want to send me!


5 comments:

Sharyn said...

well, SHIT!!

Erica said...

I'm so sorry, Sue :(

Good mojo heading your way. You can do this.

Sue said...

How absolutely awful for you Sue. I do hope the tests come back with a great result for you and that you dont have to go through more chemo and treatment. Sending lots of good vibes to you XXXXXX

rella12 said...

sorry I am late to the party, I missed this post the other day.And you know me, so you know that I am going to add my two cents....
~feel what you feel, be real. YOU are Sue. not cancer. Cancer does not win. more dots do not win.
YOU are way more than results on a page, whatever they are. It is ok to take that deep breath and feel what you feel before you suck it up and do what you need to do... for now, your treatment should include lots of cuddles, a warm puppy and a margarita. stat.
xoxox

Jen on the Edge said...

Oh my gosh, I will totally be sending you good thoughts this week as you get your mammograms redone. Just remember -- and I know that you know this already -- mammograms often need to be redone. There are so many innocent reasons why those spots are there. So put on your fabulous Wilma pearls and keep thinking good thoughts.