a letter to the world's most famous marmot

Dear Punxsutawney Phil,

Hello from Michigan! We are big fans of your species, and for years have loving called your brothers 'George'. We watch for you carefully whenever we are out about town, as there are many George's here.

Anyway, I understand that down there in Gobbler's Nob you saw your shadow today, which traditionally means that we should expect another six weeks of winter. Can we talk about this?

Winter has royally sucked this year in Michigan. I tried to find the exact statistics, but will have to rely upon my wits to tell you that we have had only 6" of the white stuff this year. Unacceptable! Winter is supposed to bring with it snow, so that kids may sled and snowboard and throw snowballs and build snow forts and drink unlimited amounts of hot cocoa. Instead, we have frigid temperatures and only enough slush to ditry the cuffs of my pants and keep my car in a constant state of filthiness. The world is grey and drab and not pleasing to look at one bit.

If we have to have six more weeks of winter, could we please have some of the fun that winter is supposed to bring, and not just the icky stuff?

In fact, I was thinking that maybe you are tired of all the media attention and are ready to retire to a warmer climate. I have a volunteer perfect for the job! His name is Fat Squirrel, and he loves to romp and play during the chilly days. Maybe we can count the inches of chub around his middle to determine how long winter will last...
Um...Phil...maybe we're not ready for you to retire just yet. According to FS, winter will last approximately 9 more weeks. I think someone needs to start his diet!